It's the Hope that Kills You
From Ted Lasso to preparing for the worst... hope can help us survive whatever is coming and also help us prepare for it.
It’s been hard to watch the headlines roll in over the past couple of days. I knew this was coming, but I was not prepared for the onslaught of… everything. From “nazi-like” solutes to literally removing the constitution from the White House website - the symbolism could not be more clear in the direction we’re headed. Hell, that’s just the symbolism, the actions were worse.
So, is it time to throw up our hands in despair? No. I still believe in the American experiment, but, it is time to prepare.
Ted Lasso on Hope
If you haven’t watched the show Ted Lasso, you’re missing out. It’s a show that seems designed to show vulnerability and compassion in an era where too many consider those things weaknesses instead of strengths. It’s a show about a football team (soccer to us ‘muricans), and their journey to greatness - though perhaps not in the way you might think.
At the end of the first season, the team is on the brink of losing their status as a Premier team - something called relegation. If they lose this match, they’re toast and have to work their way back up. It all comes down to this one game - everyone involved is having a ton of anxiety. During the episode, one of the themes is that it’s the hope that kills you - that if you hope for a good thing, you will inevitably be disappointed and unable to succeed.
Coach Lasso disagrees - vehemently. He believed, as I do, that hope is essential for success, even if you have to fail in order to get there. The team, unfortunately barely lost that match (sorry for the spoilers to anyone who hasn’t seen it, but it’s been out for years now…), and yet, the message stayed the same.
We have to approach this next era of American history with hope. Hope that whatever happens, we will be able to overcome it one day. But, we have to prepare to make it through this season first.
What Hope Is
Hope is an expectation for some state of being, or wanting something to happen. Most of the time, we talk about Hope as a current desire for a given future. To hope is to combine desire with expectation (thanks Oxford English Dictionary).
To hope for instance that modern fascism is defeated in our nation combines the desire for the absence of fascism with the expectation of its defeat. It’s a future state that many of us desire. To lose hope is to lose one of those two components: either the desire, or the expectation. To lose the desire is to say, “hey wait… maybe this fascism thing isn’t so bad…” To lose the expectation is to say, “I just don’t think we’ll ever be rid of it.”
Most people when they talk about losing hope talk more about losing the expectation than the desire - but rest assured there are plenty of people in the last couple of years who have jumped on the bandwagon and lost the desire to see fascism defeated.
The combination of desire and expectation means that often… hope can be a choice. You can choose to expect something, even if evidence tells you that you shouldn’t.
What Hope Isn’t
Hope is not a guarantee of success. All of us have hoped for something and been disappointed at some point in our lives. From the menial - perhaps hoping for Ice Cream for dinner… to hoping that it’s not a cancer diagnosis, even if you haven’t had hope pan out in a big way, you certainly have in small ways.
Hope is not always comfortable. In fact, often times it’s uncomfortable. It’s easy to be pessimistic, to expect to be disappointed. But hope isn’t easy. For those of us with anxiety, it can be downright painful.
For the things you’re serious about - hope isn’t passive. Ok, so maybe this is cheating a little, because we often hope for things we have no control over. But I’d posit that the things we hope for most fervently, the things we really believe in - hope is a word of action. We desire something, we expect something - and that guides our choices.
So if hope guides our choices, what choices should we be making right now?
It is Time to Change
Collectively, we made a choice last November, one that’s now beginning to unfold. For those of us who don’t agree with that choice, and who hold out hope that the American experiment is not dead… it’s time to start changing.
Survival
For the last decade (at least) we’ve enjoyed moderate advancements in rights, protections, etc - even surviving the first Trump administration. Built on court decisions and corporate America developing a conscience, we’re now seeing how much of that was a house of cards - and it’s beginning to collapse around us.
Corporations have yanked back diversity and inclusion initiatives with such force that it’s given most of us in any kind of minority whiplash and exposed our CEO’s and boards true colors.
Corporations, particularly social media companies are now bending over backwards to protect the harassers of LGBT people instead of LGBT people.
Gender and Sexual Orientation legal protections and progress are quickly collapsing in the face of the right controlling all three branches of government.
And these are just the diversity issues closest to my heart - I could spend hours writing about all of the issues we’re facing.
If you are a member of the LGBT community, or an ally - we have to all go into survival mode. We are going to lose at least some of the rights we’ve enjoyed. It’s not going to be fair, or right, or just. Over half of the country will cheer it on or watch in accepting silence. Our primary mission for this next era is to survive - try to conserve as many of our rights as we can - but above all else, survive.
I hope this era will end, and we will rebuilt our rights in the future - but, we need to make sure that as many of us live to see that future as possible. That means not losing hope - even in the face of what may be so much loss.
Changing from a fight for progress to a survival mode may feel like admitting defeat - but it’s not. We absolutely must continue to preserve as many of our rights as possible, working to tell our stories, and try to persuade as many people as possible that we have the right to exist.
However, survival mode means we take steps to protect ourselves, to try and make sure that if we lose those rights we can mitigate as much of the damage as possible.
Ditch Socials
One of the most frightening tools that the marriage of big tech and fascism brings to the table is making our data available to those who would seek to do harm to us. Nothing makes this more obvious than Meta’s acquiescence to Trump’s content moderation demands, and even “mistakenly” forcing all accounts to follow Trump/Vance while blocking Democratic hashtags.
In this country, we have not seen big tech and big data weaponized against people yet, I believe that day is coming sooner than we think. It’s hard to say how exactly Facebook may be weaponized - perhaps it will start by removing any pro-LGBT posts and content as pedophilia propaganda, similar to how Russia did it. Rather than protect us, Zuckerberg has made it clear that he will not only acquiesce, he’ll actively contribute to any effort this new administration comes up with.
However, many of the alternatives are no better - X’s (formerly known as Twitter) CEO Elon Musk literally did a Nazi salute twice at one of Trump’s inaugural rallies, and the crowd went wild. It isn’t hard to see where his head is.
BlueSky seems like one of the best alternatives, if only because it can absolutely integrate with self hosted content. Which leads me to the point - in a survival mode, we need to ditch most of the big tech socials. Move to smaller alternatives, whether it’s small groups on Discord, Signal Group Chats, or BlueSky for your need for feeds - take your traffic off the big ones.
Prepare to Move or Help Others Move
If you’re in one of the likely targeted groups - especially someone who is trans, non-binary, or intersex, you need to begin preparing to move. Whether it’s to a friendly state, or out of the country entirely - you need to have a plan in place. For the rest of us, we need to be prepared to help however we can.
While it is unlikely (though possible) that things will go worst case for most of us on the left… our non-gender-conforming siblings have a giant bullseye on their backs. The right has made no secret that they do not believe these beautiful people have the right to be who they are, and they’re prepared to fear monger and legislate their way to making that a crime.
In terms of how we can help others - be prepared to open homes, couches, and guest bedrooms. Hospitality is a little bit of a lost art these days, and it’s high time to bring it back. You know that guest room that has a ton of shit stuffed in it that you never want your dinner guests to see? Might be time to clean it out.
Prepare for Potential Changes in Legal Status
If you’re married to someone of the same gender - especially if you live in a red state - you need to be prepared for a possible change in legal status. It’s hard to know how far they’ll be able to go, certainly they’re aiming to invalidate protections for gay marriage, but it’s likely they also want to protect states ability to refuse recognition of gay marriage.
I’m not a lawyer, so I can’t give you legal advice - so if this may impact you, talk to a lawyer and discuss ways to protect yourself. Everything from getting power of attorney, to making sure your will exists, and is crystal clear.
Prepare to Defend Yourself
This is a tricky one. I do not condone violence, or violent means to an end. However, we have the right to defend ourselves should we be threatened. It may be time to consider safe and responsible gun ownership, self defense training, or other means of self defense - especially if you live in an area which could see a significant rise in hate crimes.
If you carefully decide to become a gun owner, make sure you take classes (most areas have them in some form) to learn how to safely shoot and care for your weapon, as well as train regularly to make sure you aren’t a fucking idiot if you ever have to use it. Excuse the French, but, we have enough gun problems in our country because people decide to be irresponsible with them - don’t become part of the problem.
To be clear, I don’t condone violent resistance to our government. I believe, as Isaac Asimov wrote so beautifully that “violence is the last resort of the incompetent.” We can be better, and we can change society through peaceful means.
Continue to Advocate, Vote, and Lobby
Make sure you know who your representatives are, make your voice heard loud and clear on the topics you hold dear. Vote for what’s right and just, and pull your money and support away from the wicked.
Understand that no one will be perfect, and that we will have to compromise to move things forward, but think long and hard about where those lines should be. It’s ok to be idealistic, but, make sure you have a dash of realism in there too.
Above All, Love and Care for Each Other
Be a good neighbor. That means help where and when you can, don’t stand by idly while injustice occurs on your doorstep. Be a voice, even in the middle of a hurricane, of love and peace.
In Nazi Germany, it’s a common misconception that no one knew what was happening in concentration camps… it’s been well documented… they knew. Perhaps not the full scale of the atrocities, but they knew the atrocities were occurring. We can avoid that same fate should our own atrocities begin by speaking out, by refusing to let these things occur unnoticed.
Don’t Lose Hope
The story of Fascism and Communism in the 20th century actually gives me a lot of hope for us. Whatever comes next, we can endure it, and we can come out on the other side. We have to marry the desire for a better world - one that is safe for minorities, free from tyranny, and filled with peace - with the expectation (and action) to get us there.
Keep hope alive, have faith that we can be better, and while we prepare for the worst - take action to try and change our course. The hope won’t kill us, it will save us.